Down to another plateau

Mom came out of nursing home after Thanksgiving, she was not ready for assisted living but Medicare said they weren't going to pay for nursing home anymore.  Because of COVID restrictions, nobody could go evaluate her to see if she would be okay in assisted living.  She wasn't.  She was there 3 days.  She was weak, her weight dropped to under 100 lbs.  She fell at assisted living every day.  Sent back to hospital.  Kidney infection.  Hospital kept her a week and the social worker helped me find a 6-person (group) home to transfer her to and start hospice.

Before she passed, my auntie was telling me to put her into one of these group homes, she knew how stressed I was with Mom's care.  I looked for these homes 2+ years ago.  I knew there were more but I only found two and they had waiting lists.  If only I could have found this home Mom wouldn't have broken her arm and started the physical decline.  But that's how Mom went to assisted living, and it was working okay while she could daycare in the Memory Care unit.  That ended March 15 with COVID restrictions when the elderly were isolated in their rooms.  I'm sure that was the start of Mom's decline.

I'm just coming off company shutdown since Christmas, I'm going to call out tomorrow because I need another day to run errands and make phone calls.  I spent a couple weeks trying to line up someone I could pay to help me move Mom's apartment furniture but they were coming down with COVID so I did it by myself.  I expected trouble moving the mattress.  Turns out it wasn't as heavy as I'd imagined.  Trouble is the "recliner," formerly a massage chair that I gutted & stuffed with pillows.  I wasn't able to take out the motor, so it's still too heavy for me to lift into a truck or my minivan.  It's basically a beautiful leather covered piece of trash with decades of life left as a recliner.  I'm perfectly willing to abandon it there but they'll charge me hundreds more than it's worth.  Boy, that was a cheap move at $29 for the UHaul.  However, I paid for it in time.  Loading the truck by myself turned out to be 3X more than the 2 hours I estimated but I needed to pace myself and I needed a nap after moving that mattress.  I'm not as fit as I was 2 years ago, which is the last time I exercised, just once a week but it was a regular thing.

Whoops she did it again

I still haven't taken pictures of the back yard.  I'm still getting rid of junk.  I'm filling up the trash can every week.  Finally done with the cement crap -- Mom had a phase where she poured cement into molds & ceramic/clay pots, then stuck stuff into them.  Why am I watering the surviving plants?  One of the goals was to have no watering.  I may have a give away (to the neighbors) soon.  Meanwhile, the backyard has left me cash poor until the end of the year but I don't have time to babysit selling posts -- can't have my phone going off every few minutes while I'm in the office.

Meanwhile, Mom went to hospital again.  She stayed over the weekend, then had to go to nursing home for daily physical therapy.  She's in the black hole (of communication) again.  I tried facetime, I tried phone calls, she's non-verbal so I don't know if I'm getting through.  I'm trying not to stress over what she might be thinking.  It's dark when I get off of work so I'm not dropping off cards this time around.  She moves out of quarantine this week so I'll be able to schedule an in-person visit.  Hell, I'll even use vacation time for this.

(Jack)Hammer Time

I finally started my back yard renovation.  I want no watering, no weeding, nothing to do in the back yard.  I have been saving up for house renovation, which has been easy with the pandemic.  No place to go, no where to go shopping and I still have to go to the office every day.  I think I accidentally cut out the margins of my budget but it'll work itself out by January barring any emergency.

I really wanted to start with the floors.  But I can't pack up all the crap in my house because I have nowhere to put it.  My plan was to end Mom's storage unit by the end of this year, but I think the pandemic has put that off til end of next year.  Once my back yard is done, I'll have space to put some big furniture outside and make room in my garage.  Tent or no tent?  I think I would like a tent over the temporary storage.  I'm leaning away from a shed.  That's just an excuse to not throw away what I don't need in my garage.

Wow, 3 hours to get all the existing slabs out.  I didn't originally budget for that but I agree, it'll look so much better when it's homogenous.  They've already started flattening the terrain.

Help is not coming (rant #2)

Mom was discharged from nursing home last Friday and is back in assisted living.  I did a little math.  Hospital kept her a week for intravenous antibiotics but she was too weak to go back to assisted living, so she went to a nursing home for physical therapy.  Only they kept her there for as long as Medicare would pay for without out-of-pocket expenses, which is 21 days.  She did bounce back to hospital twice while she was there, but she probably could have been discharged 5-7 days earlier.  It's just all about insurance.

The caregivers are spread thin so I must go every night to be her private caregiver for a few hours every night.  I didn't go back Friday evening but I went early Saturday.  It was July 4.  I just wanted to make sure she is eating, she lost so much weight the month she was away in a black hole.  She preferred the boneless ribs I brought for my dinner to her cheeseburger so we traded then she had extra helpings of the watermelon I brought for her. 

Sunday, I was a bit late for dinner, 6:30-ish.  She was left in bed since lunch and her dinner was on the table.  Well she can't get out of bed herself, so nobody showed up in 2 hours to help her eat.  She's one-handed now, she's not able to cut up the chicken by herself.  I got her out of bed, she ate everything & more watermelon.  I don't have the confidence that anyone would come to help her if I choose to take a day off.

Monday, a work day for me, my stomach acids were churning up again, so I left the dinner I cooked on the kitchen counter and went to see Mom.  She ate all her dinner and had been put to bed already by 7pm.  They didn't take out her dentures.  I don't know when she was changed, but I asked them to look in on her by 10:30.  I don't know if it happened, but if they don't change her on schedule, I'm afraid she's headed for another UTI.  I was so tired, had to go home.

Tonight, Mom had already finished her dinner when I got there.  I had like 30 min turn-around time at home, which is no time to eat.  I packed my dinner & rushed off to see her.  I don't know what she had for dinner or how much but I she enjoyed the watermelon while I ate my dinner.  The nurse is new, Mom wasn't taking medicine from her.  I got her to take it.  I asked the caregiver to come back to help me put Mom to bed at 8pm.  Nobody came for an hour, so I pushed the button.  And pushed again after 20 min.  Nobody came for another 30 min.  By that time, I already prepped mom for bed & had her in bed.  I just needed help in cleaning her up.  Mom's very squirmy, doesn't like the cold disposable washcloths.  So my laundry doesn't get done again.  I know the caregiver is spread thin, she's tending to over half the residents all by herself today.  She's supposed to be training a new caregiver who went MIA tonight.  So that's me working over 12 hours today.

Another Japanese recipe

This weekend's recipe is okonomiyaki.  I had to make alot of substitutions after I couldn't find ingredients at the asian market.  I see them on Amazon for twice the price.  Okonomiyaki is savory pancakes stacked up and covered in sauce.  LOL, much like egg foo yung.

So I used regular pancake batter instead of plain flour.  Awesome sub!  I don't keep bacon around anymore.  If I want want the taste of bacon, I eat out. A full slab of bacon is just going to go bad in my fridge after I cook a few strips.  So I substituted SPAM.  It fit the bill of "pork" and had the saltiness of bacon.  I couldn't get hold of Japanese mayonnaise, I didn't miss it.  I didn't find okomi sauce, so I used Teriyaki sauce.  I couldn't find the seaweed sprinkles or bonito fish flakes but the furikake I had on hand was an awesome sub.  Wow, what a pile of food!  I ate a little over half and saved the rest for tomorrow's lunch.

So Mom has been in and out of hospital 3 times in the last month.  Last week I had an unsuccessful phone call after she returned to the nursing home.  Mom couldn't hear over the phone.  Today I was able to get a FaceTime.  She was not verbal but she mirrored my gestures like waving & blowing kisses.

I'm still overwhelmed by the back yard overgrowth.  Maybe next weekend.

Update on the yard (a day later):  I was scrolling for other tools to use on my back yard.  I found electric shears so I went to home depot.  They only had one brand in stock.  Ugh, I didn't want to spend $100, I didn't want a cordless but that's all they had.  I wanted something in the $20-50 range but what can you do.  I get the convenience of cordless but, like wireless computer mouse, they tend to be extra heavy because of the battery.  I"m still going to need the lopers for the bougainvilleas because the branches have had 2 years to get thick.  So now I'm motivated to go out and play with my new tool.

Help is not coming

I tried for two days to schedule a FaceTime or help for Mom with the phone.  I left messages and put my errands on hold waiting for a call back.  I have to wait near the home wifi because Sprint data is too sucky for FaceTime.  Yesterday, I couldn't stand to waste the whole day so I finally went to the back yard and 30 min in, I missed the phone call.  So pissed.  I wrote a letter to Mom, drove over there to hand it over at the front door.  There's a note on the envelope that someone should read it to her.  I just found a pile of greeting cards, I'm going to drop one off every day on my way home from work.  My boss is even more of a jerk that I can't talk to the nursing home when I'm in the office.  She's basically been in a black hole since she left assisted living, which I'm still paying for, btw.

Re: the overgrown back yard.  I've been trying to hire help ever since I had the dead tree removed.  I'm just not the energizer bunny that I was 20 years ago.  There was a young guy I cancelled on, he just wanted too much money to weed whack the tall grass.  So I decided to tackle the project in small bites, the swiss cheese approach.  My 20-year old electric weed whacker is not up to the task.  So hiring the other guy, the one that looked like a homeless ex-convict who would have had to use my tools wouldn't have worked either.  I've discovered a new use for the hedge trimmer - yeah it works on the tall grass.  I'll take another bite next weekend.

masking my frustrations

I'm still thinking about art.  I have no time for it but I have a whole box of blank canvases.  On one of my visits to my pharmacy, the pharmacy tech says "we just got in masks & gloves, do you want any?"  At first I declined but when I went back, I figured we may be wearing masks for a while so I got a box.  I don't believe gloves are as good as washing/sanitizing your hands frequently.

I was aiming for a panda nose.  Everyone sees a cat.

My take on Joker (played by Joaquin Phoenix).  I think I scared a couple little kids LOL.  One of Mom's caregivers did a double take, she thought it was blood.  Just acrylic paint.  I've got more ideas.

Mom went to the hospital a couple weeks ago.  It was a UTI & bacteria in her blood.  She stayed for 5 days of intravenous antibiotics.  She was still lethargic on our one Facetime but she was still out of it, barely opened her eyes.  Then she got transferred to a nursing home for physical therapy until she qualifies to go back to assisted living.  I was able to get one Facetime only because I took the whole day off to deal with phone calls.  She talked to the girl holding the iPad, thought she was showing a picture of me and kept asking for a copy.  So I thought I'd try the phone.  The front desk would transfer the call to her bedside but Mom's not going to pick up.  So I had them hand the phone to her.  They must have walked away because after the initial hello, I didn't get any more response.  I think she dropped the phone.  So next time I have to ask the nurse to hang around while we attempt another chat.  This COVID thing is keeping me from seeing her.  She'll talk to me in person.

So my great commutes are only just good now until schools open up again and they go back to sucky.  Restaurants are sucking.  The lunch time lines are taking 20 of my 30 minute lunch break, especially since I was told I can't leave 5 min early anymore (after 10 years).  So it's a difference between a 10 min lunch run or 20 minutes.  Having to inhale my lunch certainly does not help my digestive problems.  I tried to go to the local Mexican restaurant.  OMG so many people in the restaurant at 3:30pm, nobody wearing masks.  So I drove on to Krispy Kreme.  The drive-thru was into the street and they're not letting anyone in for take out.  You must order through the app and pick-up only at the window.  I ended up at the small Walmart (groceries only) to pick up ingredients to turn my old roasted chicken into a chicken salad sandwich.  Admittedly it was much better for me than the (failed) choices.  It was a damn good sandwich, too.

Monday update: Mom was sent from the nursing home to the hospital today.  I got a call from the ambulance driver as he was taking her.  Then nurse called me from the nursing home when she went back.  Mom was alert to talk to me on the phone.  Finally after two weeks.  I mean it was repetitive as all hell but that's her old normal. 

Cinco de Mayo, the date

Feeling accomplished after this weekend.  Last year, my neighbor replaced the wood fence with block wall.  I was okay with it, I paid half.  The workers he hired, though, didn't care about how they left the place.  They overturned two of my huge pots and left them on their sides on the lawn.  They apparently cut the roots on one of my 22 year old italian cypress.  I was driving past my back yard one day and I noticed it was looking redder than the others.  Then the heavy rains came and soaked the ground, followed by a week of heavy winds.  I turned the corner one day in early December to notice the space between the trees.  The tree fell on top of the overturned pots. Because I've had so much to do for Auntie's estate, this weekend was the first time in 18 months that I've been in my back yard.  I hate gardening, so it was the at the bottom of my list of chores.  The grass must be chest high in places.

I finally hired someone to come out, chop up the tree and haul it away.  I don't know if $500 is a fair price in California, but it was another $300 if I wanted another tree gone, $200 if I wanted it trimmed.  Wow. I think these trees cost me less than $10 when I first moved in.  Four guys came out, it took them less than 30 minutes, they had a big chipper & truck.  I think Mom had her italian cypresses trimmed for $50 each (about 15 years ago).  Well, she had time to shop around and they didn't haul away the branches.  They packed what they could fit into her green bin and left the rest in a pile.

I didn't have walking space in my garage because I was digging for tax history for the CPA.  I thought they would go through the garage and make their way around the house to the gate, so I pushed everything back into place.  That is accomplishment #2.  Then I weed whacked the side of the house to get to the downed tree.  The grass was knee-high in that area.  Accomplishment #3.  So at the end of the day, my back was hurting and my sinuses were stuffy, even after a shower.  I felt so bad, I didn't go to see Mom that evening.  Woke up Sunday, still stuffed but it cleared by noon.  Now I remember why I hate gardening.  Allergies!  I never wanted a garden. 

So Sunday, I was trying to make Almond Jello.  It's a Filipino thing that you have with fruit cocktail.  It's milky (sweetened condensed milk) with almond extract.  Mom used to extract flavor from actual almonds but that's alot of work!  Anyway, it's supposed to be really stiff because it was originally made with Filipino gelatin which is actually dried seaweed.  Unflavored gelatin is the modern adaptation.  I didn't put enough gelatin and I added too much water.  It's too soft and too sweet.  I'll try again after I eat my first attempt.  I'm using up my aunt's gelatin and her almond extract.  She used to make this alot because it's a light & simple dessert, hence all the gelatin I inherited.  I can keep trying.

I found toilet paper!

Finally.  I was into my last roll of my preferred type.  I mean, I still have several rolls of what I inherited from my aunt. I could survive on it but I don't like it.  Now if only I could get the preferred diapers for Mom.  I've been driving around the county looking for the better fitting kind that she doesn't leak out of.  I actually found some today that'll work, for only $4 more than the preferred ones I buy at the warehouse store.  Last month I paid about $16 more.

So it's been a month since my last update.  I'm still going into work Mon-Fri.  I finished my projects, so the boss has me doing IT work.  I wouldn't mind a furlough (be careful what you wish for, right?)   I was hoping to use the weekends to clean out the house but the Goodwill & Salvation Army stores aren't open or accepting donations right now.  I don't have the space to stage the stuff so I'm just not working on it.  However, I need a new face mask.  I've been using the same one almost a month.  So I'm going to dig around tomorrow to find material or an old shirt to cut up.

The stomach issues resolved itself before the doctor's appointment.  I credit the bone broth, though I started taking the probiotic gummies at the same time.  A week before the appointment, the doctor's office changed it to a phone appointment.  Oooh, I wish it could be like that forever!  I had my list of issues to talk about so we could stay on track.  I could still use a massage, but I'm going to wait 2-3 months even after they're allowed to open up.

March life update

Drag my butt out of bed.
Work 8 hours.
15-90 minutes at home for dinner.
Visit Mom.  Home by 10pm.
Rinse & repeat.

Except now her community is locked down.  No visitors.  I get in because I'm there for a medical reason, to inject her insulin.  They give medicine but not shots.  So I have to do it every night.

I'm just waiting for probate to end.  We have a court date in May.  I have nothing left to do but wait.

So my stress has turned into physical symptoms.  I've been dealing with digestive issues since September.  Then it went up another level when I went back to work after the 2 week holiday break.  I think I've finally got it under control, except for gas.  Gas can get painful.  It's certainly not pleasant.  I mentioned this to my friend.  She gave me some Mexican herbs to make tea.  Meh.  So I've been trying probiotic gummy's.  I could eat the whole jar in one setting, takes alot of self-control to limit to two a day.  I think it helps but I think I found the cure:  bone broth.  I should have just bone broth for dinner every day.

I could use a massage.  But I don't trust the massage people to wipe down properly between customers for coronavirus.  Some tables are barely acceptable when it's cold & flu season and the place at the mall skimps on their table covering.  I'll give it another month.