Vacation is over

I did have fun in Mammoth.  I did not have time to seek out a zipline ride.  I pulled out my cameras that I could find.  I'd forgotten how to set them up, so I lost the first day, but figured it out that evening when I was able to look at footage once the cameras were properly set.  I did enjoy having bro & fam over.  I have forgotten how to make my videos.  

I attempted a couple sketches.  My landscape watercolor still sucks (of course, it's my first attempt.)  At first the fall colors looked washed out so I added ink.  Then the darkness of the ink took over, I don't like it.  I'm going to try working it over again to darken the watercolor.  If that doesn't work, I'll work over it in acrylic, not that I've ever had any success at landscape in acrylic either.  That's the plan.  I'll be referring to the photos I took on site.

RETIRED!!

I still can't believe it.  I worked my last day yesterday, though I still have hopes of going back as a 1099 contractor.  So I'm not taking social security yet, we'll see what 2026 brings.  Meanwhile, I have 2-3 weeks to get the house ready for a new little niece. I finally have time to make the calls for medical appointments to get off hold on the transplant lists.  

Among the retirement presents, 3 new canvases and a gift card to Michaels.  I was just saying I was going to be pissed if someone 3-5 years at the company gets a pizza party and I didn't at least get a cake.  I did get the big cake and presents, too.

Still here

 Wow, has it really been over 6 months since my last entry?

Just got out of hospital stay.  If Sunday was day 1, out on Wednesday...so 4 days. My BP was really really high and I felt like there was a spear going from my back under the right shoulder blade coming out my chest under my right breast.  I had a cold starting at the beginning of June then next day shingles started.  What the heck?  I'm fully vaccinated for shingles.  It was one of the requirements to get on the transplant list.  Next day, I had dialysis and that doctor sent in the prescription for shingles meds, so I got on it pretty quick.  I was told to keep my next day appintment with my PCP (primary care physician).  She confirmed the shingles & gave me medicine to help with the cold...for wheezing.  But the shingles anti-viral is strong and I wasn't eating enough so I was throwing up from both ends until I found the energy to get Mexican bread.  I'm still coughing but nobody gives the cough syrup with codine anymore.  I didn't get night sleep while in hospital because there was a screamer across the hallway from me.  I got my sleep in the daytime & binge watched the Harry Potter series.  One of the few movies I don't get enough of.  I don't subscribe to cable at home anymore.

Just heard this week...

I'm on the kidney transplant list!  The representative said I'd be on the "fast-track list."  Don't know what that means but it sounds good.  But, my brother then said, "just another 10 years to wait until you're at the top of the list."  But the countdown started on my first day of dialysis, so I'm 2 years in already.

Running out of excuses

Catching up...I had my birthday in October.  Bro came out to visit.  So I've continued to pay on Mom's storage out of the Estate account.  She passed 3-1/2 years ago now.  This year they increased rent by about $40/mo.  I've got to get out of there.  It's my stuff now.

I've been wanting a truck so I can clear out the storage at my pace, considering my energy level is so up & down around the dialysis treatments.  Bro found an old truck on Craigslist that met my minimum requirements:  I don't care about extended cab/crew cab.  I want basic transportation & cargo space.  I would have preferred a stick shift, but oh well.  I got a new-to-me truck.  Previous owners didn't do any maintenance other than oil changes.  So I've been working on maintenance:  new tires, rear brakes, replace drive belt.  For some reason, my mechanic shop doesn't care about boots and other plastic parts. Bro says it's a requirement in Hawaii,.  Whatever.  So I'm 90% confident in the mechanics of this 14 year old truck.  Once I get the fluids changed I'll have another 5% confidence.

I've already made 3 trips to storage to get enough boxes to sort through in a day. Wow, I've lost alot of strength.  I originally moved all the stuff in myself, now I ask for help to carry stuff. I only try to get as many boxes as I can deal with in the same day so that it's not so overwhelming.

A few steps closer to transplant list

I had my initial appointment at Cedars Sinai August last year (2023).  It took until November to get an appointment with my primary care physician, who requested all the specialists for their tests.  I got the first shingles shot in November but nobody ever called me back for the second.  I finally got that last week.  

Then the tests started at the beginning of the year (2024).  Mammogram, colonoscopy, different heart tests like sonogram & echocardiogram, etc.  I flunked the treadmill stress test because my back got tighter & tighter as the speed increased.  I couldn't continue.  So they did the chemical stress test.  My heart is good, but oh my, it was a roller coaster as the cardiologist manipulated my blood pressure and heart rate up & down, up & down.  I took my time going on to work until I felt I could drive the 20 miles.

I think the last step is to redo the colonoscopy.  Last finding was "no cancer" but there were a couple of spots that weren't getting blood.  Huh?  The pictures looked like undigested blueberries.  I have yet to make that appointment, but I'm dreading the prep.  That stuff is nasty!

Randomness & Fate

 All good since the last procedure.

Yesterday, I was driving through town.  A couple were walking their little overweight chihuahua.  So sorry for the little guy who couldn't keep up.  They had one of retractable dog leashes.  I think he was at the end of his rope behind them.  Pun intended, LOL.

I'm not supposed to have hot dogs (renal diet), but once in a great while it's okay as long as I take these huge pills called binders.  It's summer, I wanted a corn dog.  So I drove across town to get it, then drove to the beach to eat them.  It so happened that as I finished dinner, I got to watch the last 5 minutes of sunset until the sun disappeared behind the horizon.  It was so nice, I haven't got to do that in a while.  Half the time, overcast is rolling in but yesterday was perfect conditions.

Then driving home from the sunset, for some reason, the street was blocked off.  Waze took me through residential neighborhoods, then past Baskin Robbins which I was already debating in my head.  Call it fate.  I'm not supposed to have chocolate or nuts, either.  I had Rocky Road.  Took another binder.  So I have to be good from now until next blood test around July 1.

Oops, I did it again

Didn't complete two treatments in a row, so nurse called my surgeon, who told me to go to the hospital through Emergency and he'd meet me there.  He found a narrowing that was affecting pressure in the vein during treatment.  So the operation is done without general anesthesia.  Yea, it hurts AND THEN I have concluded I'm allergic to the antiseptic that turns my arm orange.  I get itchy after a day, even after washing it off. But as I was driving away from the hospital, dialysis center calls me to come in early.  Success!  Now I've had 3 successful treatments & feeling better.  

Oh my, we're dwindling

Another cousin passed yesterday.  That's 3 cousins down on Mom's side.  That said, this cousin seemed to have a sad life.  He was like a vampire, unseen during the day & came out at night, no idea where he went.  Never had a job, car, ambitions, or to anyone's knowledge, a girlfriend.  He was found in his room every morning.  Auntie Susie would always send his gift requests, not just because they were modest in price, but because he was the only one in the Philippines who would call after receiving the gifts to thank her.  

Cinco de Mayo (life updates)

I'll finally have my chest access out on Tuesday. I'm no longer afraid of bleeding to death (hehe, that was always in my head).  However, I was talking to a med tech who told me it can leave scars, like on the heart muscle or artery/vein, which becomes a future problem.  I am susceptible to scarring.

My bro will have hernia surgery tomorrow.  I need to remember to give him a call.  For all his recovery, he has cancelled his stay with me for the end of May without chance for travel over the summer.

This week I lost my 2nd adult tooth.  Whereas the first one was in a location that my only option to replace it is an implant, this one is in a location that I can get a bridge.  Since it's mid-year, insurance probably won't pay for the 50% I could have gotten if it were a new year ($2000 max/year). I don't think it'll help to wait because #1 the insurance didn't renew contract with my dentist, so he will be out-of-network within a couple months, and #3 I hope to be retired before end of the year.

Edit: I missed by one day.  It's supposed to be "May the Forth" be with you.

My obsession with kitchen gadgets

So, I took today off.  I wasn't feeling well in the morning and when I called out my voice wasn't cooperating so I also sounded a bit froggy.  Felt better by noon, but heck, I had the day off.  Stayed in bed til noon and just took it easy today.  I think I just needed a slow day.

BTW, the fistula is coming along.  Maybe two more weeks and I can get the ol' chest access removed.  It'll be one year on April 6, and it's really not meant to be used for that long.

I recently fell into another rabbit hole, as I guess wabbitts tend to do.  I bought a bubble waffle maker.  I've never had real eggette before, but my head just couldn't let go.  When I updated/upgraded my 20+ year old toaster oven, I decluttered the kitchen.  I got rid of a coffee maker I didn't like and at the same time, along with some other gadgets I never used, I got rid of Mom's sandwich maker (real fun when I was a kid) which I regret this year.  Fortunately they're cheap, but still, I had an original one.  Alas, I'm not going to replace it.

Of the things I kept were a waffle sticks maker (because of the unique shape of the waffle sticks) and a Delonghi version of a panini press that I used to impress my auntie by grilling asparagus and scallops.  Printed on top of the grill is "Delonghi Alfredo 3-in-1 Healthy Grill."  I got it back in the day at the height of popularity of George Foreman grills (mid-90's?) because the grill plates were removeable for washing, whereas George Foreman grills were permanently attached.  I've been searching the internet to see if maybe I've misplaced grill plates but I can't find any information on my grill, not even a picture. Anyway, after experimenting with the bubble waffle maker, I pulled out the Grill to make panini's until I finish eating my first bubble waffle experiment with banana bread mix.

What? Again?

Yup, another procedure this coming week.  After a month of healing, they tried to use the vein for the last 3 weeks.  Like, 2 to 3 attempts per treatment.  They could feel they're in the vein, yet once they set the (dialysis) machine and walk away, it would stop working.  The way it was explained to me, for whatever reason, the tip of the needle would stick to the wall and inhibit flow.  

Meanwhile, on the work front -- this week I started training (hopefully) my successor so that I can retire.  Unfortunately, he has zero experience or training in electronics.  But he is smart and eager to learn.  He graduated university in 2019 with a science degree but this is his first opportunity in industry/technology.  In the end I conceded to the Boss because this job really has no formal educational requirement but there are courses and degrees out there.  So I figure, we'll start on procedures so that he can feel productive.

Another surgery

I've honestly lost count what number this was for this year alone.  But, unlike the previous two, I went under general anesthesia for this one.  Even the "advanced cannulator" was having trouble hitting my vein every time because it's still small and gets deeper in my arm as you go toward my elbow.  So the kidney doctor requested that the vein be raised closer to the surface.  I haven't seen the scar yet.  It's still bandaged up.  So that means I can't shower either, as it's not waterproof.  I can sponge bath or shower my lower half.  Can't be used for dialysis for at least a month.

Still not using the FISH-tula

It's been frustrating. Yes, I've always been difficult to draw blood from.  Small veins, deep veins, sometimes they roll.  They're ninja veins, evasive.  So when you're just getting started on a new fistula, you need "advanced cannulators."  These techs are the most experienced and can hit your vein when nobody else can.  However, since I was temporarily moved away from my home dialysis center, it's been hard to get the advanced cannulator to get around to me.  I get it, he's busy with his own patients, but when he's not busy, he's just shooting the breeze with other techs or patients.

I bought tattoo pens to mark where the vein is on my arm.  At the last surgeon follow-up, we also noted how deep the veins are from the surface.  I've also been drawing a FISH over my fistula scar and having fun with it.  I wish I started taking a picture of it from the beginning because this is the first time I used  blue/green theme.  Previous fish were red or orange.  So I'll post it up from here on out.

And another procedure...

They tried twice to use the fistula access after the last "de-clotting procedure."  These procedures are essentially surgery.  Done in a surgical setting, just no general anesthesia so I can drive home afterward.  But the prep and the recovery are done in the post-op area.  This one involved putting balloons through my veins and blowing them up so that they manually "mature" the vein, ie. force it to grow in size so that it'll handle more volume for the dialysis machine.  Had I known it were this hard, I might have given peritoneal dialysis (PD) another shot but the hemodialysis (HD) port they've been using has been a breeze.  And I honestly feel so much better since going on HD.

Edit 9/25/23- Last Friday, the nurse decided to give the arm a rest.  That was probably a good decision, I realize now it was still sore from blowing up balloons inside my vein.  But today was a success.  They found my vein and it was big enough to accommodate the volume needed for the machine. 

Sweet 3-day weekend

Getting alot of stuff done.  Getting alot of  self-care.  Unfortunately, I'm eating out too much.  I should cook something, eh?  Got the house cleaned yesterday, still need to get started on laundry.

I woke up with a back ache so I got a massage this afternoon.  That hit the spot.  Since I was near a beach, I went there for an hour.  It was very windy so the waves were higher than usual, was relaxing to watch.  We're in a heat wave, I thought it would be crowded, but this is a small local beach and it wasn't.  When you live this close to a beach like this, you don't need to make a day of it.  Now, why did I want to go to Santa Barbara to sit on the beach & get fish & chips? Wish I brought a sketchbook.  Then I got fish & chips a couple blocks away.  OMG, it was a pile of food.  I can make another 3 meals from the leftovers, even after throwing out the French fries.  I'm not supposed to eat potatoes, though I ate a few while it was hot & crunchy on the outside and creamy on the inside.

Tomorrow doesn't seem like a day off, even though I don't have to go to work.  There are no days off from dialysis.

Mission impossible

Bro came back from camping.  We did go to Santa Barbara.  They didn't want to sightsee, just went there to eat, so I didn't get to sketch Santa Barbara Mission.  So I guess I'll have to go on my own once I've done a little practice from a photo.  The details are proving harder than Mission #1.  His GF has gone back home to grade final exams & prepare for her next semester.  She's a teacher from a long line of teachers.  

The sheds are now moved.  Bro thought it was expensive to move them for something he could have figured out.  But he would have had to buy a bunch of stuff and he would have hurt himself pushing 2000 lbs.  I think it was worth it.  I took measurements to check and asked "could you move it one more inch" to give me margin in case an HOA inspector or city inspector came around with a tape measure.  They did it without complaint.

The thrill was gone

Surgery #5 or 6? I've lost count.  Almost exactly a month since I had surgery to create a fistula access for permanent hemodialysis in my arm. But Monday, the doctor came around for a checkup and couldn't feel or hear the swoosh-swoosh in my wrist (it's called a thrill.)  She asked the nurse to check.  Nope.  Nothing.  That same nurse had verified it the previous Friday (a week ago).  After a whirlwind of communication and by 2pm I was checking in for surgery.  I didn't know it was that serious.

The surgeon did a "declotting procedure" on my arm which, lol, when I described it to a co-worker, perfectly described it as a pipe cleaner.  Except the surgeon used wire & balloons.  He found scar tissue near my wrist.  Since I didn't go under anesthesia, I drove myself home by 5pm.  What a day.  I went to work the next day but by Thursday, my whole forearm is bruised from blood leakage during surgery.  But the thrill is back. 

Edit 8-3-23:  I was about to start looking for a stethoscope so I could hear the thrill. But today I had the bright idea of putting my wrist to my ear.  OMG, it's loud!  You can't do that for a pulse.  Now I know how to check the thrill every day.

June

Bro is coming to visit, yay!  Until he arrives, I'm working on the back yard at my pace to put a couple sheds where the potted plants currently are.  He's going to bring his dog.  I don't have room in the house for the dog, so I'm also trying to make the yard more pet-friendly while I clear the area for two sheds.  One for me, one for him.  I just need the extra space as a staging area while I reduce the amount of stuff (Mom's stuff) in the house.  Then...I don't know...future she-shed? art studio? power tool workshop?

But the morning after he arrives, he's going to drive me to the surgery to put the hemodialysis port in my arm.  I'm done with the home dialysis.  I thought it would take less time from my day but it actually ended up taking up more.  I never felt 100% on it, not like I do now.  It takes up so much room in my house.  I had to be home every night for treatment, couldn't even do overnights unless I actually skipped a treatment.  They said I could bring the dialysis with me.  Nooo, it's more than just the machine.  Also needs 2 bags of fluid per night, one 6 liter & one 3 liter, the catheter set (one per night), and all the supplies needed to connect, un-connect, and daily wound care.  

The boss has agreed to let me take the whole week off.  I'll still need to go to dialysis on my two normal days. 

Almost May

Things are going well.  Schedule has only stabilized this week so I'm trying to get into the office earlier so that I can leave earlier.  I actually have more energy from better sleep except that I got a terrible rash from the harsh chemical they used to clean around the port.  I've never worn daily makeup because my skin is very sensitive, even to super-duper hypoallergenic stuff.  So now they're using different methods & materials on me.  Rash is healing slowly but  I'm taking an allergy pill to dull the pain & itching.  However,  it's making it hard to wake up when I need to wake up because of the drowsiness side effect.

Speaking of "office," I get in every day and ask myself why I keep going in.  I know it's the majority of my social interaction and the big boss & managers have been either uncharacteristically nice (especially compared to 2019) or they've just been leaving me alone.  On May 17, I reach my 13th anniversary at the company.  That's my next milestone.  Maybe I'll give notice at that time whether or not I like the annual review.

My first goal passed Feb 2021, when we learned engineering boss passed.  I had said I'll retire when he did, which he meant to do in early 2021 (he was already into his 80's).   My next goal passed when Mom passed. My 3rd goal was to retire once I got Medicare, my last mental obstacle.  But Dec 2022 passed while I was struggling with dialysis--turns out employer's insurance is still better than Medicare.  So the goal was reset to end of April, where we are now.  Only because passing 59-1/2 is just a number to shoot for, not that I need to draw from retirement accounts right away.