Merry Christmas

So I'm off work for the next 11 days.  The company is still open between Christmas & New Years, I'm just taking unpaid vacation.  I put in for the time off after I collapsed thinking I need more recovery time but I'm doing well.  Tailbone still hurts if I sit too long on it, like slouching, so I've been more conscious of my posture.  It hurts less every day.  At this point, the daily change is miniscule.   I'm still like Princess & the Pea, if there's a cloth fold or anything extra under my tailbone, it gets uncomfortable.  Today, it was my sweater while I was sitting in the office chair.

I'm going to visit family this weekend, but only this weekend.  I have to be home at night for treatment. If I were to stay over night, I have to bring dialysis stuff: 2 bags of dialysate, the 40 lb machine, a cassette (tubes), stuff to clean the exit site, and stuff for connecting & disconnecting.  Bah Humbug!  I don't care how late I get home.  I'll sleep in on Christmas day while I finish the treatment that will run late.

Damn, it's almost 8pm now.  I was going to cook something to bring but I have to connect around 9pm so I don't have time to cook.  Back up plan is to pick something up on the way.  I hope the restaurants I want to go to will be open tomorrow before noon.

The bonus was more than usual, but no mention of meeting goals in June's project push, so I think they pro-rated that portion and added to the usual.  They didn't mention my attendance, not making 40 hrs/wk.  

Next week I'm going to pretend like I'm retired for a week.  I'm going to do stuff that I want to do that I can't do when I have to go to work.  If I like it, I'll announce my retirement.  If I'm bored or bouncing off the walls, I'll do another wait & see.  My auntie's cousin called me (I don't know what level cousin that makes to me) and we had a little chat.  He told me to retire--this, the man who was still working at 75yo.

I got old overnight! What?

It was a tough week.  Started out really itchy all over, I think my phosphorus was really high from a couple days of large peppermint mocha.  Mmmm, so good, but not worth the intensity (and now mini scabs from scratching), so not going to do that ever again.  I thought I could get away with it as long as I took a binder.  

Wednesday I went to clinic for monthly lab draw.  My blood pressure was really low while I was there, worse when I stood up.  As I  drove to work, at my exit I was getting that tense feeling in the back of my neck and my vision was starting to change (things look overexposed) and my ears were plugging up (like being under water).  I made it to the company parking lot but I think I fell asleep for 5-10 minutes.  I looked at the time.   Damn, I better get inside!  I only made it to the back of my car before I collapsed to the ground.  I think this is when I landed on my tailbone.

Fortunately there was a guy in the parking lot on a phone call.  He saw me on the ground and helped me walk into the company lobby.  I just needed a hand to get off the ground.  So I sat in the lobby for a few minutes & was given a bottle of water until I felt up to walking to my desk.  I only made it half way before I collapsed forward and landed on my knee.  I was made to lay back but it wasn't comfortable.  Someone grabbed my office chair and wheeled me the rest of the way.  I drank water & nibbled on salty pretzels to get my blood pressure up.  When I felt better, I had a can of soup (more salt) from my desk.  I hadn't touched that since starting dialysis because of the sodium & potassium content but on this day it was a good thing.

When I got hold of the clinic nurse, she confirmed we did everything right re: water & salt and that taking the (next) day off was a good idea.  I thought I might catch up on paperwork but I couldn't be on my butt for long.  I survived Friday.  I can find comfortable sitting positions now but I have to move slowly when I walk around the house.  OMG, I walk like Mom!  She used to call me copycat, in response.

OMG the year has flown by so fast

I got a new mini gaming keyboard and just wanted to type on it.  I'm definitely loving it more than the keyboard from work, which was too big for my home desk and doesn't have that tactile feedback. Couple weeks ago I got a gaming mouse, as well.  It was actually recommended for the work that I get paid to do, but I haven't been doing work at home.

I was hoping to get back to JediMUD and program my gazillion mouse buttons with triggers.  I guess I was too hopeful that the online game I used to play in the 90's would survive 25 years online.  The site is still up, though the link into the game is Error 404 (not found).   Whoa, it's up today!  Didn't work over the weekend.

I think when I get back to editing videos I can make use of the programmable buttons.

Meanwhile, Happy Thanksgiving.  I'm going to hibernate this weekend.  I have a cold and I don't want to get family sick.  Uncle is in his 80's and his wife is almost 90.  I could really use the rest and don't need the 3-hour drive.

Oh, I got the Medicare.  It's absolutely useless as long as I have employer's insurance, but it means there's nothing left to keep me from quitting.  I'm going to hang on to the end of the year to see if leadership have any inkling of integrity or if they're going to find an excuse to stiff me on the bonus they dangled in front of me in June.  Knowing them, they're going to just give it to me as the regular end of year bonus that they would have given me anyway.  They'll either say I didn't make the deadline or they'll say the bonus is the bonus. 

Medical insurance

I don't know what the deal is...why is it so hard to retire early?  It's not THAT early for me.  And I don't plan to be entirely retired.  All I need is medical insurance!

Right now, I'm working until the company won't pay for my medical insurance anymore.  They can't fire me but they can take away the one thing I'm sticking around for.  I estimate I'll run out of vacation time that I'm using at the rate of 5-10 hours/week.  Another 6 weeks?  There's a Kidney Fund that gives grants to help with medical insurance premiums but there are qualifications.  Geez, to qualify you'd practically have to be a minimum wage worker without an emergency fund!  Okay, they need that more than I do.

I've brought up Medicare.  I don't understand why I'm discouraged by the medical team from Medicare.  I did learn that I won't qualify for the Advantage plans that worked well for Mom, it's for over-65.  That means $170/mo for premiums plus 20% co-pays.  It sounds like a PPO plan.  It would be nice to have double coverage for a while so that nothing's out of pocket.  I heard that might be possible.

I looked into Obamacare.  I'm sure it's cheaper than COBRA.  Looks like $700/mo for me even if I continue to have the income I have now.  That's going to drop for sure in 2023, so would be cheaper as long as I don't do too much semi-retirement freelancing.  Co-pays for the plan I targeted would be less than half of what I pay now in co-pays.  But I was told it could be cheaper than Medicare.  Not for my situation.

What would I do in retirement?  OMG, so much to do.  As it is, I hired Merry Maids to come this week for some help getting my house cleaner for the dialysis treatments.  I admit, there are some things I never learned to clean.  Mom was a home economics major but she admitted to paying her classmates to do her dirty work.  The only times I ever wiped walls was to prepare it for a new coat of paint, so I didn't have to work around furniture.

I have to tie up Mom's probate.  I have a house full of stuff and a storage unit to empty.  I'm not going to bother selling stuff.  I don't have that kind of hustle personality.  But I do have to arrange getting it out of my house to reclaim usable space.  Then there's my retirement plan:  getting back to art and tai chi.  I think my travelling is done until I get a kidney transplant.  There's just too much logistics of bringing dialysis equipment, supplies, and arranging the amount of dialysate that I need.  I was invited to my cousin's house for the weekend.  I don't want to bring the machine with me and all the extra stuff I need with it.  So I just didn't go.

It finally happened

Since April, work really ramped up in intensity.  At my 12-year annual review, I was offered overtime for the first time working at this company for this high visibility project.  There was also a bonus offered if I completed all the designs by July 1.   Knowing the mechanical designer for so long, I knew he was going to keep changing things past the deadline and there was no way to make that deadline for all the designs they wanted.  Plus the new engineer keeps changing things, too, seems he's in no hurry either.  Whew, my blood pressure shot through the stratosphere.  I guess they weren't offered bonuses, just overtime.  I got to take home my old computer (still has everything I need on it) after I updated everything.

Having missed the deadline, 8am after the long weekend, I get a call to head to the hospital to take tests. Then surgery is scheduled for Thursday.  My friend helped me out with the ride to/from.  While she was on her way, I called out at work.  I only told them I was on my way to hospital that I might have surgery that day but I was told I can go back to work on Monday.  I'll be going on dialysis in less than a month.  I still have a little function in my kidneys so the hope is dialysis will allow the kidneys to recover a little.

So the boss asks me what happened.  He asks in the middle of the hallway!  I asked to meet with him and HR (his wife) together.  Then I drop the news..."kidney failure happened.  I'll be starting dialysis soon."  Jaws dropped.  I forgot to remind them about HIPPA. But I continued, "so this is considered a disability."  Now they can't just fire me when I can't meet full time hours, 40/week.  "As such, I need some accommodations.  Right now that is in the form of time, starting with 2 weeks of dialysis training."  They promised their full support.  When the old engineer died, he was the last in management with any integrity.  I haven't told them that kidney doctor wants me to take 3 months off work while I adjust to the new routine.  They'll need to replace me to get anything done.  But now, because I have the work computer, I have capacity to work from home.  Work is work whether in the office or from home.  We'll just have to see how that plays out.

Oh no, I found a rabbit hole

What?  Two posts in a month?  Let me start by saying I've never been a big user of paper towels.  One roll used to last me a couple years in the kitchen because of my preference for sponges & towels.  I did use them to clean up my art area, especially after watercolor or Chinese watercolor.  But OMG, the home caregivers went through rolls!  I had napkins and real placemats available yet they would use paper towel sheets for everything.  It didn't break the bank because I inherited a lifetime supply from my aunt, or it would have been a lifetime supply if not for the caregivers.

Can you believe I only just this year figured out how to use microfiber cloths?   I've had them for years because I was at Target with Mom like a decade ago and she wanted a stack of these colorful squares to use as face towels.  Shortly after, she found a bundle of terrycloth face towels and ended up using those.  So I used the microfiber dry or with a dusting spray or for cleaning mirrors.  I thought they were too soft for scrubbing and I didn't like it as a hand towel -- terrycloth still has its place. Fast forward to now, they had very little use and the collection of microfiber cloths doubled because bigger ones came with this or that.

Last year I decluttered my laundry room.  Got rid of a bunch of kitchen towels that weren't working for me. For some reason, I couldn't get rid of the microfiber.  Then I got a Scrub Daddy.  I thought it was expensive but sponges have jumped up in price too.  I wanted to see what the hype was about.  Okay, I love the scrubber part but I hate the sponge part.  It only spreads the water, doesn't actually dry the surface,  I still needed a real sponge so I picked up a microfiber & wiped.  It was a lightbulb moment.  I could have stopped there, but that's not the obsession...

While my brother was visiting, his girlfriend wanted a day trip to Santa Barbara.  Bro invited me for breakfast -- in Santa Barbara -- so okay, but I want to go a bit further to Solvang.  While we were there, we went into a gift shop and there they were:  Swedish dishcloths.  Read the packaging to see what makes them special. They were $7 each.  Quick check on Amazon, you can get 10 starting at $12, and it goes up from there depending on how cute or fancy the artwork on them.  They are basically eco-friendly cloths with very absorbent properties and all kinds of colorful art on them ranging from Scandinavian art to words/sayings & patterns.  THAT is the new rabbit hole.

I must admit, I paid a stupid tax of about $3 because while I was waiting for my Amazon delivery, I happened into the 99 Cent Store.  I saw a pack of what looked like flat sponges about the same size as Swedish dishcloths, so I bought them.  Ugh, they smell like plastic and it doesn't go away with rinsing.  They do have the printed artwork on them but definitely not eco-friendly/biodegradable.  Absorbency is passable, too smooth for scrubbing.  I also found out that microfiber is made of a plastic.  But I have them so I'll use them til they die.  No use in pre-maturely adding to the landfill.

The monkeys are coming off my back

I've been carrying them a while.  I mean, they're different monkeys than 3 years ago, but I'm down to little probate monkeys now (not to be confused with Proboscis monkeys.)

My brother visited in March.  I dodged a bullet while he was here.  Actually, it was another vacuum I dodged, LOL.  He was trying to clean a car with my old shop vac.  He was so frustrated with it, he was ready to buy me a new one.  Nooooo! Then he asked the right question, "Do you have another vacuum?"  Boy, howdy!

I got my taxes done, yay.  I know I pay too much for the service that I'm smart enough to do myself.  Can you believe I've never done my own taxes?  Auntie Accountant did it for family until her death.  It's late in the tax season but I finally got Mom's paperwork sent out to the CPA -- he might need more documentation but Mom's in no hurry, right?  Then I'll have to deal with Estate taxes, but that can wait at least until June, I think.

There's a few other probate monkeys but I'm not feeling so overwhelmed anymore.  However, things are heating up at work...and I really don't want to be there.

Third time's the charm & vacuum cleaners

So I failed the 2nd pre-op.  My blood sugars were very much improved but still not good enough for surgery, so it's postponed again.  Which means retirement is also delayed by months for this and another medical reason.  I got put on some new meds/regiment (2nd day) and things are already looking great.  I'm still in the experimental phase, testing to see what it does for me.  Unfortunately, I'm feeling a bit bloated even though I only ate two meals today (late breakfast & early dinner).

I've also found my energy.  I had 1-800-GOT-JUNK out again to clean out the last 1/3 of that side of the garage from Mom's rat poop stuff (no-brainer stuff).  Then I was looking at the wall.  Dammit, I have to paint the wall before I put more crap in front of it.  I was Facetime-ing my brother afterward, he noticed my new energy level.  I think it was a big weight off my shoulders.  It has given me room to stage donations and get more space in my living room.

Yesterday, I went to Sam's to get snacks that would work with the new regiment and something drew me to the vacuum aisle.  OMG, I really don't want another vacuum cleaner but the ones I have got issues.  I have a 10 year old Dyson which I love but Mom did dementia things with her diaper.  One of the caregivers tried to clean it up with my (then $300) vacuum.  Now Dysons are $600-800.  The roller head is clogged and I can't take it apart to un-clog it, I've tried.  As a vacuum, it still works great for dusting, I just can't do carpet without the roller head.  I loved that roller head because the roller is meant to come off so that you can remove the hair that wraps around it.

For the last couple years, I've been using the vacuum I inherited from Auntie, which is a Kirby.  I think her first one lasted 3 decades, she just wanted a new one and got a great trade-in value. OMG this tiny lady was pushing this big, heavy vacuum that probably weighs as much as she did.  But it's too heavy to carry upstairs, she didn't have an upstairs.  Besides, somewhere in my garage are vacuum bags which I refuse to buy until I find and use those.  I forgot to look at the roller to see if it has long hair wrapped around it.

I did it.  I bought another damn vacuum.  This one is a Shark.  It's "lightweight" (not light enough), has powerful suction, is deafeningly loud (hate that), and is supposedly self-cleaning as it relates to hair.  I do get a little hair wrap, but mostly the hair is sucked up into the dust cup (love that) and the roller is also removable if it requires more intervention.  I think I have to buy ear protection like they use for gardening equipment, it's that loud.  Oh, and it is great on floors.  I don't think I'll have to sweep my kitchen anymore.  I hope to get vinyl/wood flooring within a couple years and this vacuum will be a good supplement to the robot vacuum I'll get at that time.  So I burned lots of calories today putting the Shark to the test.  Very happy with the cleaning results.  But when I go to hard floors, the Kirby will be obsolete in my house.

Happy Chinese New Year

I've actually taken yesterday & today off to attend my cousin's wedding.  It would have been over a 3-hour drive home so I slept at her house last night and drove home this morning.  I was tired from the drive so I took a nap, thinking I'd be refreshed to use the rest of the day to tackle some probate stuff.  I slept a bit long in an awkward position, now I've got a kink in my neck.

Anyway, I haven't felt much like working since Jan 1.  I need time to work on probate.  The lawyer's office isn't as helpful as the one I had for my auntie's probate.  So I'm not motivated enough to push the pace after a long 8-1/2 hours at the office.  (Right, boo hoo for me, LOL -- it's sarcasm.)  OMG, my brother, 18 months younger than me retired from his job on Dec 31.  Yea, I'm jealous on top of not wanting to work.

I had told myself that if my boss (VP Engineering) retired, I would too.  But then he didn't come back after the holidays, and last week we got the news that he had passed.  He was a mentor and a gentleman.  He diverted alot of the company toxicity off of me.  Unfortunately, the other reason I'm still there is healthcare insurance.  I was planning to have cataract surgery this past Monday but I didn't pass my pre-op appointment so it's postponed to March.  Damn, now I have to hang on until April follow-up appointments are done.  My bro is so lucky to have a pension and 75% of his healthcare insurance covered.  That's why he can retire and I can't yet. 

I swear that is my last excuse.  By the way, by "retire" I mean I'll quit the company.  When I settle things in my house and with probate, I'll take on freelance work to keep busy and maybe pay the insurance premiums.