It finally happened

Since April, work really ramped up in intensity.  At my 12-year annual review, I was offered overtime for the first time working at this company for this high visibility project.  There was also a bonus offered if I completed all the designs by July 1.   Knowing the mechanical designer for so long, I knew he was going to keep changing things past the deadline and there was no way to make that deadline for all the designs they wanted.  Plus the new engineer keeps changing things, too, seems he's in no hurry either.  Whew, my blood pressure shot through the stratosphere.  I guess they weren't offered bonuses, just overtime.  I got to take home my old computer (still has everything I need on it) after I updated everything.

Having missed the deadline, 8am after the long weekend, I get a call to head to the hospital to take tests. Then surgery is scheduled for Thursday.  My friend helped me out with the ride to/from.  While she was on her way, I called out at work.  I only told them I was on my way to hospital that I might have surgery that day but I was told I can go back to work on Monday.  I'll be going on dialysis in less than a month.  I still have a little function in my kidneys so the hope is dialysis will allow the kidneys to recover a little.

So the boss asks me what happened.  He asks in the middle of the hallway!  I asked to meet with him and HR (his wife) together.  Then I drop the news..."kidney failure happened.  I'll be starting dialysis soon."  Jaws dropped.  I forgot to remind them about HIPPA. But I continued, "so this is considered a disability."  Now they can't just fire me when I can't meet full time hours, 40/week.  "As such, I need some accommodations.  Right now that is in the form of time, starting with 2 weeks of dialysis training."  They promised their full support.  When the old engineer died, he was the last in management with any integrity.  I haven't told them that kidney doctor wants me to take 3 months off work while I adjust to the new routine.  They'll need to replace me to get anything done.  But now, because I have the work computer, I have capacity to work from home.  Work is work whether in the office or from home.  We'll just have to see how that plays out.

Oh no, I found a rabbit hole

What?  Two posts in a month?  Let me start by saying I've never been a big user of paper towels.  One roll used to last me a couple years in the kitchen because of my preference for sponges & towels.  I did use them to clean up my art area, especially after watercolor or Chinese watercolor.  But OMG, the home caregivers went through rolls!  I had napkins and real placemats available yet they would use paper towel sheets for everything.  It didn't break the bank because I inherited a lifetime supply from my aunt, or it would have been a lifetime supply if not for the caregivers.

Can you believe I only just this year figured out how to use microfiber cloths?   I've had them for years because I was at Target with Mom like a decade ago and she wanted a stack of these colorful squares to use as face towels.  Shortly after, she found a bundle of terrycloth face towels and ended up using those.  So I used the microfiber dry or with a dusting spray or for cleaning mirrors.  I thought they were too soft for scrubbing and I didn't like it as a hand towel -- terrycloth still has its place. Fast forward to now, they had very little use and the collection of microfiber cloths doubled because bigger ones came with this or that.

Last year I decluttered my laundry room.  Got rid of a bunch of kitchen towels that weren't working for me. For some reason, I couldn't get rid of the microfiber.  Then I got a Scrub Daddy.  I thought it was expensive but sponges have jumped up in price too.  I wanted to see what the hype was about.  Okay, I love the scrubber part but I hate the sponge part.  It only spreads the water, doesn't actually dry the surface,  I still needed a real sponge so I picked up a microfiber & wiped.  It was a lightbulb moment.  I could have stopped there, but that's not the obsession...

While my brother was visiting, his girlfriend wanted a day trip to Santa Barbara.  Bro invited me for breakfast -- in Santa Barbara -- so okay, but I want to go a bit further to Solvang.  While we were there, we went into a gift shop and there they were:  Swedish dishcloths.  Read the packaging to see what makes them special. They were $7 each.  Quick check on Amazon, you can get 10 starting at $12, and it goes up from there depending on how cute or fancy the artwork on them.  They are basically eco-friendly cloths with very absorbent properties and all kinds of colorful art on them ranging from Scandinavian art to words/sayings & patterns.  THAT is the new rabbit hole.

I must admit, I paid a stupid tax of about $3 because while I was waiting for my Amazon delivery, I happened into the 99 Cent Store.  I saw a pack of what looked like flat sponges about the same size as Swedish dishcloths, so I bought them.  Ugh, they smell like plastic and it doesn't go away with rinsing.  They do have the printed artwork on them but definitely not eco-friendly/biodegradable.  Absorbency is passable, too smooth for scrubbing.  I also found out that microfiber is made of a plastic.  But I have them so I'll use them til they die.  No use in pre-maturely adding to the landfill.

The monkeys are coming off my back

I've been carrying them a while.  I mean, they're different monkeys than 3 years ago, but I'm down to little probate monkeys now (not to be confused with Proboscis monkeys.)

My brother visited in March.  I dodged a bullet while he was here.  Actually, it was another vacuum I dodged, LOL.  He was trying to clean a car with my old shop vac.  He was so frustrated with it, he was ready to buy me a new one.  Nooooo! Then he asked the right question, "Do you have another vacuum?"  Boy, howdy!

I got my taxes done, yay.  I know I pay too much for the service that I'm smart enough to do myself.  Can you believe I've never done my own taxes?  Auntie Accountant did it for family until her death.  It's late in the tax season but I finally got Mom's paperwork sent out to the CPA -- he might need more documentation but Mom's in no hurry, right?  Then I'll have to deal with Estate taxes, but that can wait at least until June, I think.

There's a few other probate monkeys but I'm not feeling so overwhelmed anymore.  However, things are heating up at work...and I really don't want to be there.

Third time's the charm & vacuum cleaners

So I failed the 2nd pre-op.  My blood sugars were very much improved but still not good enough for surgery, so it's postponed again.  Which means retirement is also delayed by months for this and another medical reason.  I got put on some new meds/regiment (2nd day) and things are already looking great.  I'm still in the experimental phase, testing to see what it does for me.  Unfortunately, I'm feeling a bit bloated even though I only ate two meals today (late breakfast & early dinner).

I've also found my energy.  I had 1-800-GOT-JUNK out again to clean out the last 1/3 of that side of the garage from Mom's rat poop stuff (no-brainer stuff).  Then I was looking at the wall.  Dammit, I have to paint the wall before I put more crap in front of it.  I was Facetime-ing my brother afterward, he noticed my new energy level.  I think it was a big weight off my shoulders.  It has given me room to stage donations and get more space in my living room.

Yesterday, I went to Sam's to get snacks that would work with the new regiment and something drew me to the vacuum aisle.  OMG, I really don't want another vacuum cleaner but the ones I have got issues.  I have a 10 year old Dyson which I love but Mom did dementia things with her diaper.  One of the caregivers tried to clean it up with my (then $300) vacuum.  Now Dysons are $600-800.  The roller head is clogged and I can't take it apart to un-clog it, I've tried.  As a vacuum, it still works great for dusting, I just can't do carpet without the roller head.  I loved that roller head because the roller is meant to come off so that you can remove the hair that wraps around it.

For the last couple years, I've been using the vacuum I inherited from Auntie, which is a Kirby.  I think her first one lasted 3 decades, she just wanted a new one and got a great trade-in value. OMG this tiny lady was pushing this big, heavy vacuum that probably weighs as much as she did.  But it's too heavy to carry upstairs, she didn't have an upstairs.  Besides, somewhere in my garage are vacuum bags which I refuse to buy until I find and use those.  I forgot to look at the roller to see if it has long hair wrapped around it.

I did it.  I bought another damn vacuum.  This one is a Shark.  It's "lightweight" (not light enough), has powerful suction, is deafeningly loud (hate that), and is supposedly self-cleaning as it relates to hair.  I do get a little hair wrap, but mostly the hair is sucked up into the dust cup (love that) and the roller is also removable if it requires more intervention.  I think I have to buy ear protection like they use for gardening equipment, it's that loud.  Oh, and it is great on floors.  I don't think I'll have to sweep my kitchen anymore.  I hope to get vinyl/wood flooring within a couple years and this vacuum will be a good supplement to the robot vacuum I'll get at that time.  So I burned lots of calories today putting the Shark to the test.  Very happy with the cleaning results.  But when I go to hard floors, the Kirby will be obsolete in my house.

Happy Chinese New Year

I've actually taken yesterday & today off to attend my cousin's wedding.  It would have been over a 3-hour drive home so I slept at her house last night and drove home this morning.  I was tired from the drive so I took a nap, thinking I'd be refreshed to use the rest of the day to tackle some probate stuff.  I slept a bit long in an awkward position, now I've got a kink in my neck.

Anyway, I haven't felt much like working since Jan 1.  I need time to work on probate.  The lawyer's office isn't as helpful as the one I had for my auntie's probate.  So I'm not motivated enough to push the pace after a long 8-1/2 hours at the office.  (Right, boo hoo for me, LOL -- it's sarcasm.)  OMG, my brother, 18 months younger than me retired from his job on Dec 31.  Yea, I'm jealous on top of not wanting to work.

I had told myself that if my boss (VP Engineering) retired, I would too.  But then he didn't come back after the holidays, and last week we got the news that he had passed.  He was a mentor and a gentleman.  He diverted alot of the company toxicity off of me.  Unfortunately, the other reason I'm still there is healthcare insurance.  I was planning to have cataract surgery this past Monday but I didn't pass my pre-op appointment so it's postponed to March.  Damn, now I have to hang on until April follow-up appointments are done.  My bro is so lucky to have a pension and 75% of his healthcare insurance covered.  That's why he can retire and I can't yet. 

I swear that is my last excuse.  By the way, by "retire" I mean I'll quit the company.  When I settle things in my house and with probate, I'll take on freelance work to keep busy and maybe pay the insurance premiums.

It's been a minute, hasn't it

Things have finally settled down into a routine.  I am just waiting for an opportunity to go to the Philippines so that I can have Mom's ashes interred at her final resting place.  COVID is still out of control in the Philippines, I'm just waiting until it's safe to travel there, hopefully without 2-week quarantine in a hotel upon arrival.  

My friend that was going to attend Mom's memorial ended up losing both her parents within 24 hours to COVID and had to go there.  She quarantined for a week at a hotel in Manila and a week in the family home with visitor protocols before she could take care of stuff.  I think she was able to do that because she's fully vaccinated.  Sounds like she and her siblings made arrangements to maintain things there and they can have extended vacations.

I have recovered from the car accident, meaning I have my car back 100%.  The body shop even fixed an old dent because it was close to the new damage.  I paid for a rental car out of pocket, which is crazy high rates right now because of COVID.  You can't get an economy or small car, so you have to settle for bigger cars and higher rates.  I have little hope of getting reimbursed even a portion but I've recovered from the financial hit, too.  

I finally got the "letters" so I can start pushing to close things.  Talking to the lawyer today, she assures me the courts here are nothing like LA County, so things will go much faster than the 3 years it took to close Auntie's probate. I'm hoping to file to close by the end of the year, but that'll depend on if how much of an asshole my employer's going to be or else I'll be retiring earlier than I intend.

I'm still trying to figure out life after Mom.  Taking care of her was my purpose for the last 10-15 years.  I was building my life when she literally started moving her stuff in every weekend.  I was doing things, like martial arts, that I gave up for fine arts.  She ruined my diet, completely ignoring her own diabetes.  I must admit, I'm eating out more now and I miss sharing my meals with her.  We weren't splitting to save money as much as because of the big portion sizes.  One plate was enough to split with her and we can both have leftovers the next day.  

Life is knocking me around

Had the hardest time scheduling Mom's memorial at her church.  The church office is run by a troop of monkeys, all named Maria.  I was persistent until I finally got what I wanted for her.  It worked out in the end, the small gathering of best friends and family were all there.  

But the Thursday before, I was just waiting at a stop light a mile from home when I was smashed from behind and pushed into the car in front of me.  Honestly, the impact knocked my glasses off, I really believe I rolled into the car in front because I was blind until I found my glasses.  I didn't want to deal with that driver's crappy insurance, so I'm going through State Farm.  They are so easy to work with, and only Auto Club (AAA) is slightly easier to deal with.  Unfortunately, I have to pay for the rental cars out of pocket which is going to run almost $2000 until I get my car back from the body shop.  Rentals are hard to get right now so you have to go up in size until you find availablility. My car was still drivable, but it was 100 miles to Mom's memorial and I wasn't comfortable driving it the distance until it was checked out.  It was nice to relax with family afterward, another 30 miles vs 100 to home.  LA freeways were horrible!

I think something's going around at work.  Started out the week thinking I was having allergies from being outside and sleeping with the fan on.  I think it's turning into a cold.  I'm hearing my coworkers also sniffling & coughing to clear their throats.

How about now?

RIP Mom.

Unfortunately I jinxed my brother's birthday forever.  I was telling him at the end of birthday dinner "at least Mom didn't die on your birthday."  Doh! Then I got the call.  The day ain't over yet.

Do I look like my best friend just died?

RIP Kathy,

We met at our first professional job out of college (early 80's) and as we went on with our professional lives (we moved away for our next jobs) we stayed in touch as pen pals.  Then in 1999, when I was job searching for a company to pay for my move back to California, my job interview was in the same city she had settled to after a big earthquake destroyed her apartment/life in Sylmar.  We had dinner, a long catch-up, and she gave me the night tour of the city. We were a pair of similarly geeky girls.

She struggled with her health for the last 5 years and retired early.  Then she moved to Utah to be close to her brother and his family.   I mean, her brother's kids are well out of college by now, I think they're married, and pursuing their professions around the world but they visited home frequently.  We had a phone call a month ago, she was so excited that she'd gotten her 2nd vaccine dose.  She was in assisted living and had been under lockdown since last March, just like Mom.

Ever since Grandma passed in the '90s, until 2018, I've always been aware of how few people who I've personally known had died.  Then I reached age 55 and lost three family members that year.  I really didn't know how to deal with these losses.  I am prepared for Mom to go, but two deaths this week!  My auntie's 2nd BFF, Lulu, died Tues night in her sleep, she was 72 and had just retired from working.

I had a bunch of tasks planned for this weekend but after I got the news about Kathy, I've just been moping around the house.  I'm actually surprised at how bummed I got when I heard about Auntie Lulu, but she was so instrumental in helping me with my auntie's passing.

Almost March

I'm finally having a productive weekend.  I got so much done and it's still only Saturday.  It definitely has to do with the temperature outside and now it's daylight until 6pm.  I would have gotten more done but I can't find my saw-saw.  Garage access is so limited right now.  The coffee table deteriorated surprisingly quickly in the back yard, now I need to chop it up to fit in the trash bin.  I'd better donate the rest while it still looks usable.  Damn, can't do that on a Sunday.

I've given up on the guy that does the wrought iron gate.  It was so hard to get him to call me in the first place, then he gave me a quote.  Two weeks later, I got the stimulus "check" (Visa card), I called him back to schedule the job.  Never heard from him again.  I'm thinking of putting it off and continuing the pavers into the front yard.  Progress in the back yard is slow, but progressing nonetheless in the right direction.

It's February, It's cold.

It's cold from the the middle of the country to the east coast.  Crazy snow & ice related pileups make nationwide news.

But I'm in a t-shirt in California.  It's in the 60's.  Too cold for outdoor dining, indoor dining is not allowed yet.  Too cold to work on my yards.  The damn bougainvillea is climbing over the block wall again.  It's just my house, nobody else has HOA plants coming into their space to maintain.  I've been wasting my weekends for all the stuff I still want to do in my yards.  I can't get the gate guy to call me back to start the job.  Mom's apartment furniture is in the back yard deteriorating as fast as she is.  I can only visit for 15 minutes once a week, but at least I can see her regularly.

A month ago, my uncle (mom's brother, 3 years younger) and his wife got COVID.  My cousin (his daughter) brought them to her house to recover but the wife was having breathing problems so she ended up in ER a couple times.  Then cousin got COVID from caring for them.  She's the only one in the house who is working, but she's back to work again.  Uncle & wifey have accepted cousin's offer to move to her house.  His plan was to permanently move to Philippines by now but COVID put a huge kink in his plans.

Down to another plateau

Mom came out of nursing home after Thanksgiving, she was not ready for assisted living but Medicare said they weren't going to pay for nursing home anymore.  Because of COVID restrictions, nobody could go evaluate her to see if she would be okay in assisted living.  She wasn't.  She was there 3 days.  She was weak, her weight dropped to under 100 lbs.  She fell at assisted living every day.  Sent back to hospital.  Kidney infection.  Hospital kept her a week and the social worker helped me find a 6-person (group) home to transfer her to and start hospice.

Before she passed, my auntie was telling me to put her into one of these group homes, she knew how stressed I was with Mom's care.  I looked for these homes 2+ years ago.  I knew there were more but I only found two and they had waiting lists.  If only I could have found this home Mom wouldn't have broken her arm and started the physical decline.  But that's how Mom went to assisted living, and it was working okay while she could daycare in the Memory Care unit.  That ended March 15 with COVID restrictions when the elderly were isolated in their rooms.  I'm sure that was the start of Mom's decline.

I'm just coming off company shutdown since Christmas, I'm going to call out tomorrow because I need another day to run errands and make phone calls.  I spent a couple weeks trying to line up someone I could pay to help me move Mom's apartment furniture but they were coming down with COVID so I did it by myself.  I expected trouble moving the mattress.  Turns out it wasn't as heavy as I'd imagined.  Trouble is the "recliner," formerly a massage chair that I gutted & stuffed with pillows.  I wasn't able to take out the motor, so it's still too heavy for me to lift into a truck or my minivan.  It's basically a beautiful leather covered piece of trash with decades of life left as a recliner.  I'm perfectly willing to abandon it there but they'll charge me hundreds more than it's worth.  Boy, that was a cheap move at $29 for the UHaul.  However, I paid for it in time.  Loading the truck by myself turned out to be 3X more than the 2 hours I estimated but I needed to pace myself and I needed a nap after moving that mattress.  I'm not as fit as I was 2 years ago, which is the last time I exercised, just once a week but it was a regular thing.