Still not using the FISH-tula

It's been frustrating. Yes, I've always been difficult to draw blood from.  Small veins, deep veins, sometimes they roll.  They're ninja veins, evasive.  So when you're just getting started on a new fistula, you need "advanced cannulators."  These techs are the most experienced and can hit your vein when nobody else can.  However, since I was temporarily moved away from my home dialysis center, it's been hard to get the advanced cannulator to get around to me.  I get it, he's busy with his own patients, but when he's not busy, he's just shooting the breeze with other techs or patients.

I bought tattoo pens to mark where the vein is on my arm.  At the last surgeon follow-up, we also noted how deep the veins are from the surface.  I've also been drawing a FISH over my fistula scar and having fun with it.  I wish I started taking a picture of it from the beginning because this is the first time I used  blue/green theme.  Previous fish were red or orange.  So I'll post it up from here on out.

And another procedure...

They tried twice to use the fistula access after the last "de-clotting procedure."  These procedures are essentially surgery.  Done in a surgical setting, just no general anesthesia so I can drive home afterward.  But the prep and the recovery are done in the post-op area.  This one involved putting balloons through my veins and blowing them up so that they manually "mature" the vein, ie. force it to grow in size so that it'll handle more volume for the dialysis machine.  Had I known it were this hard, I might have given peritoneal dialysis (PD) another shot but the hemodialysis (HD) port they've been using has been a breeze.  And I honestly feel so much better since going on HD.

Edit 9/25/23- Last Friday, the nurse decided to give the arm a rest.  That was probably a good decision, I realize now it was still sore from blowing up balloons inside my vein.  But today was a success.  They found my vein and it was big enough to accommodate the volume needed for the machine. 

Sweet 3-day weekend

Getting alot of stuff done.  Getting alot of  self-care.  Unfortunately, I'm eating out too much.  I should cook something, eh?  Got the house cleaned yesterday, still need to get started on laundry.

I woke up with a back ache so I got a massage this afternoon.  That hit the spot.  Since I was near a beach, I went there for an hour.  It was very windy so the waves were higher than usual, was relaxing to watch.  We're in a heat wave, I thought it would be crowded, but this is a small local beach and it wasn't.  When you live this close to a beach like this, you don't need to make a day of it.  Now, why did I want to go to Santa Barbara to sit on the beach & get fish & chips? Wish I brought a sketchbook.  Then I got fish & chips a couple blocks away.  OMG, it was a pile of food.  I can make another 3 meals from the leftovers, even after throwing out the French fries.  I'm not supposed to eat potatoes, though I ate a few while it was hot & crunchy on the outside and creamy on the inside.

Tomorrow doesn't seem like a day off, even though I don't have to go to work.  There are no days off from dialysis.

Mission impossible

Bro came back from camping.  We did go to Santa Barbara.  They didn't want to sightsee, just went there to eat, so I didn't get to sketch Santa Barbara Mission.  So I guess I'll have to go on my own once I've done a little practice from a photo.  The details are proving harder than Mission #1.  His GF has gone back home to grade final exams & prepare for her next semester.  She's a teacher from a long line of teachers.  

The sheds are now moved.  Bro thought it was expensive to move them for something he could have figured out.  But he would have had to buy a bunch of stuff and he would have hurt himself pushing 2000 lbs.  I think it was worth it.  I took measurements to check and asked "could you move it one more inch" to give me margin in case an HOA inspector or city inspector came around with a tape measure.  They did it without complaint.

The thrill was gone

Surgery #5 or 6? I've lost count.  Almost exactly a month since I had surgery to create a fistula access for permanent hemodialysis in my arm. But Monday, the doctor came around for a checkup and couldn't feel or hear the swoosh-swoosh in my wrist (it's called a thrill.)  She asked the nurse to check.  Nope.  Nothing.  That same nurse had verified it the previous Friday (a week ago).  After a whirlwind of communication and by 2pm I was checking in for surgery.  I didn't know it was that serious.

The surgeon did a "declotting procedure" on my arm which, lol, when I described it to a co-worker, perfectly described it as a pipe cleaner.  Except the surgeon used wire & balloons.  He found scar tissue near my wrist.  Since I didn't go under anesthesia, I drove myself home by 5pm.  What a day.  I went to work the next day but by Thursday, my whole forearm is bruised from blood leakage during surgery.  But the thrill is back. 

Edit 8-3-23:  I was about to start looking for a stethoscope so I could hear the thrill. But today I had the bright idea of putting my wrist to my ear.  OMG, it's loud!  You can't do that for a pulse.  Now I know how to check the thrill every day.

Mission #1 again

 

I'm much happier with this rendering in pencil. So, I can still draw.  But I'm trying to improve my watercolor.

I actually started my art journey with watercolor.  My first attempt was very successful but everything else after was crap except for some I did in Chinese Brush style.  The best advice I saw on the webs was "learn to draw first."  But what I learned from drawing class was to draw, draw, draw.  Draw everything, draw big.  If it's challenging, draw it again.  And it lead to drawing the human form.  We had drawing exercises in that class.  1 minute sketches, 2 minute sketches, 10 sketches on top of the other on the same page, no erasing, blind contour, etc.  My severe nearsightedness became an aid rather than a handicap.  I didn't have to squint, I just had to take off my glasses! Boom, I could see tones & color blocks...as long as the subject was right in front of me, anyway.

With an eye on the goal, I started adding color and went to other media. I didn't have the patience for colored pencil or oil paints.  I was frustrated with the dusty pastels but I really clicked with oil pastels.  However, using oil pastels is like using paints straight out of the tube, then mixing colors on the canvas (with a rubber blender).  I don't mind the look for sketches but sometimes I want it to look like a painting.  To do that, I need more space for more colors & tools, and THAT doesn't travel well.  I've tried traveling with a small kit of acrylic paints.  Ugh, that really needs some dedication & desire to work.  You know what travels well?  Watercolor pans.

Mission #1

San Buenaventura Mission from online reference photo.  Watercolor brush markers.

I could spread a little color but the original line pretty much stays.  Really hard to get lighter shades. Looks better here than it does on my sketch page.  The greys are mostly sketch & wash pencil.  I have no doubt I'll be sketching this a few more times, in different media.  

 

Garage sale day

At least once a year, the HOA opens the gates & advertises community garage sale.  I have learned not to spend too much energy or overthinking about what to put out.  Today, I started an hour late.  I only put out a few items before things were being bought.  I was sold out in an hour, put out a few more things and gave up in another hour.  I put the rest into the car for donate.

Then I texted my friend about my success.  She recently visited California Mission San Juan Capistrano and sent me a picture.  Sweet! Add another reference for this goal of mine.  She always remembers my mom's souvenir of a pair of carved wood hand chairs from the Philippines, so I offered them to her.  She remembers Mom fondly and now has a keepsake to remember her by.  I have a miniature version up on my living room ledge.  

The chairs were stored near Auntie's stuff so I found more to donate.  OMG, I found another rice cooker still in the box.  I think that's #6.  Shhh, don't tell Bro I have more space in the garage, LOL.

This is when I put more out but these ended up for donate.

The little picnic park across the street.

Yikes, more art supplies

When Bro gets back from his trip,  we'll take a day trip up to Santa Barbara.  I want to sketch the Santa Barbara Mission.  Then at some point, I want to sketch the San Buena Ventura Mission. So I was looking for my Sakura Koi field sketching watercolor set.  No idea where it went, I love the 18 colors and the size is so small.  You can't buy the kit anymore for a reasonable price, so I got this 24-color.  I'm a little disappointed that it's TWICE the size of the 18-color set.  I've got 3-4 weeks to practice sketching before he gets back.  I hope to sketch at least one watercolor/day until then.  Some of those sketches may be from photos, leaning toward urban sketching subjects.

My decision was split to get this Kuratake Transparent watercolor set, so I got both!  It's got 14 colors, but these half-pans are removable/replaceable.  I like the colors and the size of the set is smaller than the Sakura Koi, above.  It was described as leaning toward natural landscape colors.  

Since I decided to get back to sketching, I've been carrying my old W&N Cotman pans.  I used these before I discovered the 18-color Koi set.  I never have liked the colors in the Cotman set and it doesn't have black or a dark color I can use when sketching man-made objects.

June

Bro is coming to visit, yay!  Until he arrives, I'm working on the back yard at my pace to put a couple sheds where the potted plants currently are.  He's going to bring his dog.  I don't have room in the house for the dog, so I'm also trying to make the yard more pet-friendly while I clear the area for two sheds.  One for me, one for him.  I just need the extra space as a staging area while I reduce the amount of stuff (Mom's stuff) in the house.  Then...I don't know...future she-shed? art studio? power tool workshop?

But the morning after he arrives, he's going to drive me to the surgery to put the hemodialysis port in my arm.  I'm done with the home dialysis.  I thought it would take less time from my day but it actually ended up taking up more.  I never felt 100% on it, not like I do now.  It takes up so much room in my house.  I had to be home every night for treatment, couldn't even do overnights unless I actually skipped a treatment.  They said I could bring the dialysis with me.  Nooo, it's more than just the machine.  Also needs 2 bags of fluid per night, one 6 liter & one 3 liter, the catheter set (one per night), and all the supplies needed to connect, un-connect, and daily wound care.  

The boss has agreed to let me take the whole week off.  I'll still need to go to dialysis on my two normal days. 

I'm still an art supply addict

 I went to Hobby Lobby today.  I was supposed to get large wiggly eyes that I can sew onto my sleep mask that I use during in-clinic treatment.  I totally blanked out on this.  I found the aisle with the colored ink pens & pencils, looking for Tombow brush pens.  

I didn't find Tombow but I found brush pens from Faber Castell: Aqua Dual pens.  I haven't tracked art supplies for at least 4 years.  At first I just got a couple black pens.  I really don't care that they're brush on one side & pen on the other, I was most interested that they can be washed like watercolor.  So I got the landscape set too.  Hmm, I can't access my stash of sketchbooks right now so a new mixed media sketchbook found its way into my basket, as well.  I did keep my smallest sets of acrylic paints, watercolor, and drawing pencils accessible.  No, I haven't been drawing on the walls, I have other sketchbooks but they don't do well with wet media.

WOOT!  I'm fitting into pants I wore 10 years ago with room to spare.  I don't know why they're in good shape.  Maybe I didn't wear them that long before "growing out of them."  happy happy

Almost May

Things are going well.  Schedule has only stabilized this week so I'm trying to get into the office earlier so that I can leave earlier.  I actually have more energy from better sleep except that I got a terrible rash from the harsh chemical they used to clean around the port.  I've never worn daily makeup because my skin is very sensitive, even to super-duper hypoallergenic stuff.  So now they're using different methods & materials on me.  Rash is healing slowly but  I'm taking an allergy pill to dull the pain & itching.  However,  it's making it hard to wake up when I need to wake up because of the drowsiness side effect.

Speaking of "office," I get in every day and ask myself why I keep going in.  I know it's the majority of my social interaction and the big boss & managers have been either uncharacteristically nice (especially compared to 2019) or they've just been leaving me alone.  On May 17, I reach my 13th anniversary at the company.  That's my next milestone.  Maybe I'll give notice at that time whether or not I like the annual review.

My first goal passed Feb 2021, when we learned engineering boss passed.  I had said I'll retire when he did, which he meant to do in early 2021 (he was already into his 80's).   My next goal passed when Mom passed. My 3rd goal was to retire once I got Medicare, my last mental obstacle.  But Dec 2022 passed while I was struggling with dialysis--turns out employer's insurance is still better than Medicare.  So the goal was reset to end of April, where we are now.  Only because passing 59-1/2 is just a number to shoot for, not that I need to draw from retirement accounts right away. 

Next step to transplant

Yay, I finally finished my "oiling" project.  It's that snowball that I created when I had to condition the cutting board, then came my knife block, then the knives in the knife block, then everything in my kitchen drawers that were wood or had dry wooden handles.  (That eliminated my Mom's & Auntie's utensils which were conditioned over 60+ years of much use.)  I had put the project aside when I wasn't feeling well, didn't have the energy for it.

So I have my appointment in August for a day of tests to determine the parameters to match me for a kidney.  Yea, these things don't move very fast.  Even after I get on the transplant list, it's still a waiting game for a match.   I've been to two hemodialysis treatments now and I find myself with more time in the day because I don't have to clean & set up for the overnight (every night) treatments.  However, I now go 5 days between Friday and Wednesday between treatments, so we'll see how I feel toward the next treatment.  But, hey, that means I can do weekend getaways & sleepovers now!

Fast recovery

I was actually feeling energetic by the end of yesterday (12 hours after I checked in for surgery), even more so this morning.  I think it had more to do with getting good sleep instead of waking up from sounds & light from the PD machine.  Got a couple errands done before I ran out of time and had to go to clinic.  But since I'm not connecting myself for a few weeks, I have extra time at night & in the morning.  I don't know what to do with myself!  

I brought my sketchbook to today's treatment but wasn't too ambitious.  There's not really a table to use while connected in-clinic, so I just played on my phone for 3 hours.  My neck was tired by the end.  I guess that rules out bringing my (huge) laptop, too.  I thought maybe I could get work done but my laptop is too heavy to just be on my lap and it gets too hot, so won't be bringing that.  There are no tables to put stuff on.  The TV for each chair hangs overhead.  Ooo, something to sketch!

Third time's the charm?

So I was good for like two weeks?  Then last Friday I had that pain again.  I happened to be at the clinic to turn in a specimen of the drained dialysis fluid after two hours.  Results on Monday: infection again, same strain, so same infection since December.  So I'm back on the antibiotics regimen.  Also going back to surgery.  Kidney doctor thinks the catheter is hiding bacteria that the antibiotics can't reach, so they're going to remove it and put a new one in a different spot on my abdomen.

So much personal life that I haven't done yet, mostly personal finances & taxes.  But also reclaiming the space in my house is heavy on my mind.  I just haven't had the energy for it.  Saturday & Sunday was so low energy for me, I mean non-existent.  I didn't do anything all weekend.  Started feeling better on Sunday, so I had to rehydrate with a pot of tea when I ran errands so that I could have specimen to deliver on Monday -- more fluid from the all night treatment.

WFH today

I couldn't have picked a better day to ask to work from home.  It's raining all day.  But more than that, 

1. I had medical supplies delivered this morning (they chose the day, I chose the time window).  
2. Then I had to go to the dialysis clinic to pick up a bag with antibiotics. 
3. Short window to get some work done.  Mind you, I can't do all my tasks from home but design stuff for sure, and I brought printouts to verify.
4. Then I had a virtual medical appointment.
5. Combine that with about 30 minutes to administer the antibiotics -- let's call that lunch.
6. Then I can work even past dinner.  I don't feel hungry when I've got 1.5L of extra fluid in my belleh.
7. Or maybe I should quit at 6pm and use the time to organize my tax papers so I can set an appointment.

Amazon splurge rabbit hole

So I've been having health ups & downs.  Thursday I had a fever and stayed home from work.  I intended to go in by noon but I ended up sleeping til 5:30pm when hunger woke me up.  Last week, however, I had a bit of a splurge when I was feeling good.  I really haven't bought anything for myself for quite a long time (almost two years?)

I bought a cooking knife which stores inside a wood case.  When you lay the case open, it doubles as a cutting board.  I bought "the good brand" but was so disappointed.  The wood was gouged & dented in shipping because it had no padding, not even cardboard.  Furthermore, the wood was so dry, I had to buy cutting board oil to seal the wood.  But before I figured that out,  I bought another one (bigger size), a knockoff brand, half the price of the first.  I am so happy with this one, it has a thin coat of sealant so I don't have to do anything to it but wash it.

Since Mom passed, I've been looking for a solution to cooking smaller quantities of rice.  I do have small electric rice cooker which used to be the right size when Mom was living with me.  Since then, even making the smallest quantity would sometimes be in my fridge so long it would go bad.  So I bought the smallest clay pot I could find to make rice on the stove.  I know, I could just do it in a small cooking pot but you have to watch it carefully.  Works like a charm, but I've only used it once so far.  You don't have to watch the clay pot as carefully, it's more forgiving.

So in my condition, camping would be very difficult for all the dialysis stuff I would need to bring for one or two days.  So why would I buy not one, but two, little pocket stoves that use solid fuel.  I got it for my emergency kit.  Why two?  I wanted the camping pots that came with one set, yet I wanted a rack that was only available with the other set.  But dammit, neither came with the fuel pucks, so I had to buy that separately!  I've always kept emergency supplies.  When I lived in Texas, it was for tornado emergencies & frozen days.  In California, earthquakes & sometimes we lose power when there are fires nearby.

Now the rabbit hole:  I oiled the first knife case.  I liked the result.  I'm going to keep it in my office desk because the ones in the break room are so abused and sketchy.  Sometimes the warehouse guys borrow the knives for shipping because it's sharper than anything they have.  Jeez, box cutters & their replacement blades are so cheap (under $5) but they're not getting the tools they need.

So I looked at all the knives in my knife block and the knife block, itself.  They have wood handles that have never ever been sealed, estimate 40 years?  I got them when I got my first house in my 20's.  I remember hunting down and ordering this specific Henkel's knife block and waiting a month before getting it because it came from Germany.  It was the only one that matched perfectly with my new knife set (not Henkel's).  Then I pulled out all my wooden kitchen utensils that I didn't inherit from Mom or my Auntie.  They need oiling too.  Mom's have cured themselves over time because she used them so much.  I'm still half way through oiling everything (sigh.)

Back on track

But why am I still going to work?  I did get the probate stuff done but not the annuity claims.  I lost alot of weight unintentionally but I have alot to lose.  I'm not underweight by any means.  I like where I'm at but I've also lost alot of muscle strength over the the pandemic.  I would like to rebuild that.

New Year, wish it were better

I've been having dialysis problems.  I'm not draining.  My employer changed insurance last December 1, it was supposed to be transparent to us.  Well, for my primary doctor & kidney clinic, it seems to be.  Trouble is my catheter that is used to bring in dialysis fluid and drain is plugged up with fibrin.  That's kind of like scar tissue that the body creates.  So between the new insurance and people not working between Christmas & New Year, I haven't been able to see the doctor I need to see.  Namely, the vascular surgeon who put in the catheter.  

I've been able to "see" my primary doctor and my kidney doctor/team and we've had a couple failed attempts to clear the tubes. As of today, it's been 10 days since my last dialysis treatment.  I wasn't able to schedule last week & do stuff as if I were already retired.  I've spent all this time dealing with insurance bureaucracy.  It's really frustrating.  I sent a letter to HR, I'm not coming back into the office until my dialysis resumes normally.

Edit 1/6/23: I did get to see the surgeon today, he's set me up for outpatient surgery on Monday.  Sounds like he did consult with my kidney doctor.  However, my boss couldn't wait for me.  He called Thursday to ask me to do what I can from home.  I just know I couldn't have gone into the office because he hates to see people on their personal phones in the office.  I've been advocating for myself 9am to 9pm until I got that surgery scheduled.  So I did get in a few hours of work on Friday, interrupted by a 2 hour errand.

Edit 1/15/23: Won't go into the details, so did revision surgery (laproscopy) on Monday, the 9th.  Then went under again for 2nd revision surgery yesterday/Saturday.  It's a quick surgery but it can't be done in the doctor's office and it's under general anesthesia.  Praying for good drainage for me and for California.